Hoarding to Homeless: The Abundance In Between

Hoarding to Homeless: The Abundance In Between

Without second guessing your answer: ask yourself this: “What do a homeless person and spiritual person have in common?”

If you’re stumped, don’t feel bad. It’s hard for us Humans to understand what we haven't experienced or what we simply don't want to face, because once we acknowledge it, we have to experience feelings- and most of us simply struggle with such a thing..

But if your answer was somewhere along the lines of making do with what we have on hand, you'd be more self-aware than most. 

In June of 2021, I was running a successful business, building friendships with women based on common interests, and just generally stressing through life like most 23 year olds. In June of 2023, I found myself homeless in Modesto, California. A stark contrast, but maybe I asked for this?

If you're familiar with Philosophy, Existentialism is a branch of Philosophy that begs the question- “why do we exist with a conscious mind?” Frederick Nietzsche is popular for basically saying our journey is our own, what happens to us is our own ”fault”- wether it’s karma playing a role in our misery or merely our own mental prison.

Rough- right? So what place does Existentialism play in my being homeless?

Plain and simple- I asked for it.

Maybe not in plain language, I didn't get on my hands and knees and beg “God, make me homeless. I want the insecurity of worrying about where I'm going to shit once this gas station food hits''

None of us who suffer ask for it. But I did ask for abundance. I asked for more money in my hands a month. I asked for stability,

The funny thing about the universe is she gives you exactly what you're asking for. Every single time. But you have to have a sense of balance and grace to see beyond the hurdle.

So yea, I was homeless for a solid month. Slept in my car most nights, braved the California heat, and just generally felt the world crumble around me.

But damn, I was grateful. Because I had faith that something bigger was coming. 

Now I won't lie, I definitely did give in and have a few pity parties- sometimes multiple times in the same day, hour even. But at the end of the day, it was hard to deny the feeling that something would give sooner or later.

And it did- I found a home and moved in within a few hours of getting accepted by the landlord. At a price that puts more money in my hands each month.

But do you wanna know the biggest difference two years has made? I once owned a storefront that was over 1800 square feet FULL of stuff that I OWNED - to now only owning enough items, between my home, small business, and holiday decor, to fill a storage unit. I USED TO OWN SEVERAL STORAGE UNITS AT THE FULLEST CAPACITY! 

I couldn't even begin to describe how much stuff I owned at one point. I was using shopping to cope with childhood trauma and my undiagnosed ADHD. I think at one point, I owned the entire Manic Panic color line because I was a chronic hair ruiner. I couponed and owned about 8 bottles of TIDE Laundry Detergent, 10-20 boxes of Menstrual Pads, and I don't know HOW many boxes of soap bars. It was a lot.

Then in the Summer of 2022, I moved the entirety of my craft collection, small business inventory, storage shelving units, folding tables and chairs, and other hoarded goods (honestly, i had that much crap that I couldn't even remember the entirety, just the important pieces haha) into a friends garage. We had spent the month prior completely gutting her garage and cleaning it out so that us girls could have a hang out spot and craft with Air Conditioning, where my dogs could be themselves and where we could be witchy friends.

Friends. Friends? Friends don't get mad at you and refuse to let you retrieve your items from said garage. Friends don't tell you to “get the police involved” then when you do, lie to the police and tell them you owe them money. Owe these people money? 

I had given them months free rent in my shop. I had bought them countless trips to the dispensary. When one gal got scammed out of $100 for Christmas, my best friend was kind enough to replace that money for her so that she could get her kids christmas gifts. Did my bestie ever receive that money back? Take a wild guess!

But, as I stood in front of her house that fateful August, with my new boyfriend by my side, a lone police officer, and a broken heart- I only retreived a handful of worthless items that she brought out. She refused to give back anything of true value, so i lost it all that day.

I could have sued. Man, there have been several times in my life I could have- SHOULD have, sued. But I chose my peace. Those three women stole over $17 thousand dollars worth of personal belongings.

Furniture, Inventory, things I had owned since elementary school, gone. 

But it broke me, and it made me new. Out of sight, out of mind. I had so much JUNK, that I was paying up the ass for storage fees. They stole the equivalent of three 10x10 units hahah!! That alone saved me $300+ a month, and they knew that. I was already struggling to get rid of the inventory, so good luck with moving that shit.

And it was all so heavy. I moved that stuff from Socal. I moved it from my hoarded house to my first business location, I moved it to my second location, I moved it to her garage. I was tired. 

Following that summer, I just started purging whatever else I had at home. I tried to control what I could control, and I vowed to never let someone have that much power over me again. So I said, “If I can't control what people do to my stuff, I can control how much stuff I have” and just like that, I started making monthly trips to goodwill, found myself spending a lot less, and just generally trying to heal my heart and soul from having belongings ripped from me, and losing best friends in the process.

Fast forward to June 2023, I'm packing my home into totes and crates, amazed at how little I owned compared to years prior. I also knew we were heading into homelessness, so anything that didn't suit my next adventure, I parted ways with.

I ended up with one storage unit for my mattresses, and another storage unit for my craft belongings, one tote for clothing, another tote for bathroom essentials, and my small business inventory, which has stayed low due to simplicity- and I was just FLOORED. Impressed was an understatement. It's not often I'm proud of myself, but I cried at the growth. I think I parted ways with over 90% of the stuff I owned this time last year.

Moving into our new home in July 2023, we moved in and unpacked within hours. I only had the essentials, and only one of each essential, not a lifetime's worth of them.

I may not have asked for homelessness, but I got everything I asked for in the end. Abundance was always mine, it just took me hitting rock bottom to see that.

If you want more money in your pocket to spend, learn to spend less, no need to make more money.

Back to blog

Leave a comment